It’s MAY. It’s week 18. You know, when my months don’t match up to the number of weeks I think it should be, I always wonder if at the end of the year I am going to be like WEEK 63! I ROCK MATH! Let’s cross our fingers that we don’t have 13 “bonus” weeks right?!
I want to talk about something that has really been on my mind lately. It took me awhile to come to this topic, so believe it or not, I am writing it a little in advance. (Usually I wait until the day of the post to make sure I keep it as up to date as possible.) Mental Strength is something I am really fighting with right now and I’ve really had to step back for a minute and think about it. This may be long, but I feel it’s important to talk about, so thanks for reading!
For instance, I started my 30 days program like I was supposed to. However, I have been doing it every other day because quite frankly,
it hurts like a &^%$ it HURTS. I am STILL sore 3 days later from Day 2. I’m not talking about a little bit of achy sore, I’m talking OMG I almost fell down because my leg muscles went NOPE when I stepped out of my car sore.
The mental strength part of me says “Woohoo, you must have rocked the crap out of that workout”. The mental wienie side of me is like “If you do that again, I’ll cut you in your sleep”. I’ve talked about being at war with my body before, but this time something is different. This is the first time since starting this challenge, that I felt like my body is up for it, and my brain is not.
Last night, my husband and I came back from dinner. I was PUMPED full of energy, possibly due to an indulgence of sweet tea, which I haven’t had in MONTHS. I kept thinking, “I should clean” or “I should get on my bike”, and then my brain whined and I gave in. I ended up camping in front of the computer and accomplishing little to nothing, essentially wasting an evening.
Today, I planned on getting rid of my laundry mountain. I washed two loads of laundry and came back into the my kitchen to find that the pipe has backed up AGAIN. Knowing I was going shopping later in the evening, I promptly dropped ALL of my plans to clean, made the excuses that I would do it tomorrow (today as you’re reading), and of course knowing I would do a ton of walking with my Mom tonight, decided it would be enough. Now, I am sitting here wishing I had laser eyes to destroy my evil Fitbit that seems to think I only took 3,422 steps. We’ll see what all tomorrow really accomplishes…
Here is the sad part
When it comes to mental strength, I am succeeding in several ways. First, I have been meeting my 2 lbs. per week goal. I shouldn’t complain about that at all. However, I am still beating myself up a bit for not doing more. Like, if I can lose 2lbs. per week “getting by”, I should be able to lose more if I worked harder. What if I walked more, what if I used house cleaning to get in more exercise? What if WHAT IF WHAT IF?
I KNOW my journey is going to be a long one. My heart knows it, but my head wants to fight it. It’s almost as if mentally I have beat myself up so much for being overweight, that I am still finding ways to be “less than” the person I am. Most days, I spend in WOOOHOOOO mode, that’s the truth, but some days my brain is all “WHY are YOU WOOHOO’ing? You didn’t walk a lot today. You didn’t ride your bike today. You didn’t get up at 5am and exercise today. WHY are you happy?”
What Changed From January to May?
I think when I started this journey, I was OK with taking baby steps and working my way into things. I think, to an extent, that watching the progress of other people is getting in my head a bit. You know the line, don’t compare your beginning to someone else’s middle? I feel like I should be working harder at being in the middle, but I need to remind myself that in the length of this journey, even 18 weeks in, I am STILL in the beginning. I’m still re-learning my body. I’m still trying to get a grasp on everything, and adjust to the emotions, the physical battles, and the nutrition.
So What’s the Upside?
In the past, I would have already quit. That’s the truth. I would have stopped a long time ago, decided the attempt was a failure again and gone right back to my old habits. Instead, I’m dealing with the changes. I’m fighting for it. Even though some does I retreat, other days, I fighting it out, and I guess for now, that’s ok!
Apparently, I was craving orange food this week. Does anyone else think Land O Lakes should pay me for product placement? Ha! I started adding Chia seeds to my oatmeal in the morning, to add more fiber to the diet. I also caved in and started adding a tiny sprinkle of salt to my oatmeal, and luckily it helped me reduce my brown sugar by A LOT!
I also tripped up on tuna salad day because I didn’t have bread. See? This is another one of those mental hang ups. How in the world was I supposed to eat a tuna sandwich with no bread? It literally took me FIFTEEN MINUTES to realize I didn’t have to have it with bread. DUH. Old habits…
We also ate a little more processed foods than we have been eating lately. I’m kind of going for an 80-20 rule on the processed stuff, so I think I was well within that limit.
Weight loss this week: Uhhhh +1 (99.9% sure it’s water weight from an indulgence at a Mexican Restaurant)
Total weight loss: 21 lbs.
Where do YOU find mental strength when making a huge change in YOUR life? Please share your tips with me!!!
P.S. There were no photos this week. Unfortunately, while I was washing my outfit for the photos, the washing machine lid slammed on my fingers. I am not kidding when I say I almost went to the ER thinking they were broken. I stuck it out until yesterday and got a clean bill of health on them. Luckily, although it did NOT feel that way at the time, I just bruised them really bad AND it hit a nerve. So, there will be photos this coming week!